That's Entertainment

Yesterday, I wrote about the difficulties inherent in deciding what is blogworthy and what is not. In the midst of all that, I wrote a bit about movies as a way to understand the world and how much better life would be if there were a movie about seminary students. Today, I wanted to explore that idea a bit further. The paragraphs that follow are descriptions of what movies about seminary in general and Southwestern in particular by various directors would be like.

Michael Bay-I imagine that everyone would have a sports car. Everything would be explosive. People would engage in spectacular gun battles for no particular reason. I feel like people would do that action movie roll move--you know the one I'm talking about, on the way to class.

Hitchcock-At least one person would get murdered in a way that maximized tension and dramatic irony. Grace Kelly would be wandering around campus in some sort of danger. Jimmy Stewart would be there too, but more than likely he would be saddled with ridiculous lines. If you don't believe me, watch Rear Window again paying special attention to the scene in which Jimmy Stewart's character attempts to break up with Grace Kelly's character because she is too rich and beautiful.

Spielberg-Four words: Somebody is an alien.

M. Night Shyamalan-Everything is fine until the last five minutes in which it turns out we're all Buddhists.

Wes Anderson-For one thing, everything would be much more colorful. People would sit on the lawn singing David Bowie songs in Portuguese. Nobody would have actual problems. Instead, all our relationships would be broken for no particular reason . Bill Murray would be in it.

Who else could make a SWBTS movie, and what would it be like?


MizCroz said...

Maybe the Disney folks, so they could prettify some of the seamier details. You already have the great music, the set, the eager faces. The script might have limited roles for women, but maybe they could wear costumes that made them look important and honored their function of building the male characters. I think this has promise, Burns. I love historical fiction!

B. Burns said...

I do love cartoons. The most recent Robin Hood movie suffered acutely for the lack of an anthropomorphic fox.

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