Post the Twelth in which I have an identity crisis

I wrote 800 words today. It's good to see the novel coming together. In the time I've been working on this novel, I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about novel writing. For a long time, I was afraid to finish the novel. After all, an unfinished novel can't be rejected by publishers. The unhappy truth, however, is that an unfinished novel is essentially useless.

So, I'm going to finish the novel. In my quest to conquer my fear of rejection and begin to trust God, I've been encouraged by these words from Paul's second epistle to Timothy:
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

I am struck not only by the oft-quoted first phrase but by the second. The spirit God gives us is not a spirit of timidity but one of power and self-discipline.

Up until very recently, I allowed fear to keep me from sitting down at my keyboard every day in a disciplined way and writing this novel. I've been encouraged by Paul's letter to the Romans. He writes in Chapter 8:

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[j] who[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

These words have changed my life. If I write a bad novel, I write a bad novel, but what does that say about my worth as a human being? It sounds like not so much. It would seem that whatever happens, God loves me. I am still learning to really let the truth of this verse affect my view of myself and to truly live in thee freedom God offers me. What a joy to serve a God who would write these things to us. I hope they have encouraged you as they have me.


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